Chapter 12

I wake up in the morning feeling a little out of place. I was still in my jeans and shoes and everything when I woke up. My hair, of course was unwashed and sticking up all over the place. I hurry to the bathroom before anyone else can get it. Glancing at my alarm clock as I grab some clothes, I realize I'm too late. Already 6:30. My mom would be in there about now. I run downstairs to get some breakfast. Peanut Butter Captain Crunch. Yum. By the time I'm done eating it my mom should be done.
I take a quick shower, not wanting to linger at home while my parents are around. They'll eventually just stop looking at me funny and ask questions. I'm not up for that right now. I don't even know how I'm going to survive a date with Sidney. Everything has just, changed, since the weekend when I was with him. When he was all that mattered, really.
Arriving at school earlier than usual, I sit in my car trying desperately not to overthink things. I have a really bad habit of doing that. I mean, this situation can't be that bad, or confusing. I'm just making it that way. I bang my head on the headrest a few times, my hair flying all over the place. Ruthanne comes up and knocks on my window. "You only do that when you're really upset, are you ok?" She asks after I roll down my window, talking way too fast.
I shrug because it's something that I really don't want to talk about. Maybe she'll have enough sense to leave me alone this time. Usually she bugs and bugs and bugs until she gets me to tell her what's bugging me. I usually turn around and say, "YOU!" But that's about the little stuff that gets on my nerves. I don't know about this one. It's the first serious problem I've had in a while.
She walks around the car and gets in the passenger side. "You wanna skip school?"
"No." I say angrily, knowing the satisfaction Brittny would feel if I skipped and she noticed. And she would. I'm sure she's been on the lookout for me ever since the party.
"Ok. Ok." Ruthanne says, backing off a little. "I was just suggesting it. You look like you need to get your mind off things."
"You know what?" I say, "I do. I do need to get my mind off of things but hanging out just won't do it for me this time Ruthanne." She flinches, even when I'm really mad I don't sound this harsh. And I'm not mad at anyone or anything. Well, except Brittny, but there's always been something to hate her for. I grab my big overly full bag and get out of the car. Ruthanne does the same and jogs to catch up with me.
"What's wrong?" She asks, putting her hand on my shoulder.
"Everything," I finally say, breaking down. Her face goes from shocked to trying to recover her helpful friend look. Even when it's really bad, I've tried to find something positive, and right now I'm having a really hard time doing that. It's funny how things can just build up and build up and finally something that really wouldn't be that important to someone will flip the lid and that person feels so lost and confused. And it's funny that that person thinks they need to keep everything under control, trying to look like nothing's wrong, trying to avoid the subject. Maybe that person should just confront everything head on. Maybe that person is jumping to conclusions about too many things. I sigh. "I just... Sidney just... Brittny." I choke out. Ruthanne wraps an arm around my shoulder and herds me into the bathroom right inside the school. She waits until I'm done crying to give me her makeup bag, knowing how much I don't want to talk about it. I get fixed up and go to class.
The school day couldn't have ended fast enough. I got out of there, jumped in my car, and took off before anyone could stop me. I sped home even though I wouldn't even want to be there when I got to it. I check my phone in the driveway. 2 texts from Sidney. I open it, half expecting a cancellation. Or maybe just hoping for one.
From: Sidney (3:45 PM)
Hey, I'm getting ready to go right now... will be on my way in a little bit.
I sigh and open the next one.
From Sidney (3:50 PM)
if it makes you feel any better, I miss you like crazy. All this Brittny shit's getting old, don't you think?
That, my friend, would be an understatement. Getting old? ha. It's been old and it should have died long ago. Sometimes people make me just want to scream. I pull the outfit I had picked out for tonight out of my desk drawer, don't ask me why I put it there, I just did. I don't text Sidney back, I figure he'll see me when he gets here and that'll be soon enough. This is the first time I haven't been eager to see him when we had something set up.
He comes up to my door all too soon. Of course I've been ready for what seemed like ages but could only have been described as a few minutes. I answer, not feeling as pretty as I look, I'm sure, but his eyes light up when he sees me, and that makes me feel a little bit better. He kisses me on the cheek before grabbing my hand and leading me back to his Range Rover.
We don't talk about much in the car, both of us avoiding the subject we have on our minds. He drives us to a little deserted looking pizzeria on a traffic-less street. He comes around to my side of the car and opens the door for me. I'm getting more and more used to this, soon I'll have to force myself to open the door when there's no-one to do it for me. He holds my hand as we walk in. A man with an Italian accent takes us to a booth not far from the door. To start off I get an iced tea, Sidney gets a Coke. What's with those guys, I wonder, watching him slurp it down.
"So how have you been?" I ask him politely enough.
"I feel like shit." He says finally, after he's done gulping down the Coke he ordered. I feel a little bit better at least knowing he's felt guilty about all this.
"Oh?" I ask quietly, not prepared for that kind of answer.
"Yeah. There's so many things I could do for you. And I really want to, but Brittny just won't stop. She has something against you personally." He says, picking up his Coke again.
"Like I said, we were BFF's! in middle school. We ended up hating each other after that." I tell him again, sipping slowly on my iced tea.
"Oh." He says, "and you still do." He says, stating the obvious.
"Obviously," I say quietly. "So," I say, "what are you getting?" I ask brightly, trying to get steer the conversation away from Brittny. I'm tired of her dominating my life.
He looks down at the menu and flips through a couple of pages. "This," he points to something that I can't read. I look at the picture, it looks like something I would like. I search through the menu for something safe. I decide on a slice of lasagna. The waiter comes back to take our order after noticing that we closed the menus.
"How are you?" Sidney asks after we order. It takes me a moment to think of a response.
"Messed up." I say finally. "I don't know why, and it's so frustrating and I just hate it all." Sidney nods.
"I know what you mean." He says holding my hand on the table.
"At least you always know what's going on!" I say, pulling my hand from his.
"No. That's not true. I don't ever know what you're doing." He says, picking up my hand again.
"Oh." I say defeated. I never thought really about he felt. I was being so selfish. I decide to think about things differently from now on. About both of us. But then there's Max.